Grace for the Process

Yesterday I heard something that stopped me.

"You do not give yourself grace."

I did not argue with it. I did not brush it off. I just let it sit in the back of my mind. And I kept thinking about it.

Because I know grace. I write about grace. I give grace pretty freely.

But later, when I checked myself, I realized something uncomfortable. It was true.

Guilt has a way of speaking. Regret does too. Things I did not know. Things I should have done. Things I wish I had handled differently. Conversations. Failures. Moments I missed.

Regret has a way of revisiting places I thought I already left. And if I am honest, I let it speak more than I realized.

Then a thought hit me: I am full of grace except for Kim.

And I just sat there.

I have given grace to a lot of people. Grace for what they knew. Grace for what they did not know. Grace for wounds I knew I could not see. Pretty freely too.

But somewhere in the middle of all of it, I quietly built an exception. Me.

I built an open door for everyone else and locked it when it came to Kim.

I learned grace for humanity, but not for my humanity.

And suddenly I understood why condemnation felt so heavy. I knew Jesus had forgiven me. I knew grace was not something I earned. But somehow I had made room for everyone else to need grace while expecting Kim to have known better, done better, and gotten everything right.

And I haven't.

Then came the part that brought relief: Grace is for Kim too.

Not because I earned it. That is the whole point of grace. Jesus did not leave me outside of what He came to give.

So maybe this is your reminder too. Do not give grace to everyone except yourself. There is grace for what you did not know. Grace for the places where you had to learn. Grace for where you are still growing. Grace for the process.

That does not excuse what needs repentance. It does not erase responsibility. It means I do not have to keep punishing myself for what Jesus has already forgiven. I can repent. I can learn. I can grow. And I can receive grace while I do it.

Not anymore, Kim.