The Lens of Grace

Yesterday, a devotional challenged me to walk back through my day.

I almost wanted to skip the page.

In this season of my life, I’m trying so hard to move forward.

Looking back almost makes me feel captive.

Even yesterday can feel painful to look back on, even when it was good.

That alone made me stop and ask myself, why?

I always thought it was because I didn’t want to live in the past.

Now I’m not so sure.

So I started replaying yesterday.

I spent time with Jesus.

I had a really good morning with Him.

I took my grandkids swimming. We laughed.

They had fun. We made memories.

It was a good day.

But that isn’t where my mind went.

Instead, I replayed conversations.

I wondered if I talked too much.

Did I wear the right clothes?

I thought about what I should have done differently.

I second guessed decisions.

Within minutes, I realized I wasn’t reflecting on my day.

I was prosecuting myself.

Not yesterday.

Myself.

That one hit me.

That’s why looking back has always felt so hard.

Not because yesterday was bad.

But because I’ve been looking at it through the wrong lens.

Then another thought came.

God has been teaching me so much about celebration lately.

I’ve been writing about celebrating life again.

Celebrating His goodness.

Celebrating ordinary moments.

I thought He was teaching me how to celebrate.

I think He was teaching me how to see.

Celebration counts the wins.

Criticism counts the losses.

Celebration remembers God’s faithfulness.

Criticism replays my failures.

Celebration sees growth.

Criticism demands perfection.

I don’t want to keep walking back through my days looking for evidence that I’m not enough.

I want to learn to walk back through them with Jesus.

To see where He was.

To notice the good.

To celebrate the ordinary.

To thank Him for His faithfulness.

To learn from my mistakes without living under them.

Yesterday should not have been hard to look back at.

It was a really good day.

Actually, it was the perfect day to realize that looking back isn’t about counting the losses.

For me, it’s about learning to count the wins.

That won’t come naturally.

This is going to be a challenge.

My inner voice still knows how to criticize much louder than it knows how to celebrate.

I’m learning those are not the same thing.

Grace reminds me of everything God was doing.

Criticism keeps me focused on everything I wasn’t.

I’m thankful I don’t have to walk back through my days alone.

Jesus walks back with me.

He reminds me where He was.

He reminds me of His faithfulness.

He reminds me of the good I would’ve overlooked.

I believe that stronghold of criticism is going to break.

One day, looking back won’t feel like a courtroom.

It will feel like grace.